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Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets (2017)

Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets (2017)

Movie Rating:

Starring: Dane DeHaan, Cara Delevingne, Clive Owen, Rihanna, Ethan Hawke, Herbie Hancock

Directed by: Luc Besson

Written by: Luc Besson

Rating: PG-13 Running Time: 2 hr 17 min.

Two Cents:

To put it bluntly, Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets is a beautiful light show with very little heart. It’s gorgeous, imaginative, clever in parts, yet lacks characters and goals you can root for. It lands in our theaters as a forgettable jumble of pretty elements with nothing to bind them together.

Seriously, imagine sitting through a firework show for over two hours. Could you do it, and still be oohing and aahing after the umpteenth colorful explosion? I think not.

Luc Besson has wanted to make Valerian ever since he entertained us with, The Fifth Element, back in 1997. Remember that one? It shares some similarities with Valerian, but is a far superior film in many ways. At its core is a set of great characters we can care about, and the production bounces along at a playful toe-tapping pace. Where The Fifth Element sashays, Valerian stumbles around on two left feet.

The Fifth Element also properly introduces its protagonists, Korben Dallas (Bruce Willis) and Leeloo (Milla Jovovich) before putting them together. Valerian on the other hand assumes a relationship already exists and expects the audience to care about a “will she, won’t she” answer to a marriage proposal. I mean, come on, really? I had to keep reminding myself that Valerian was an actual character in this film.

The way this movie is constructed, it felt like I had arrived at the theater late and missed all the important introductions. What I did see was beautifully rendered, but after ninety minutes in, I was bored.

Movie Prep:

Keep your expectations low for this one. If you’re hoping for more Fifth Element fun, get ready to be disappointed.

Best Moment:

The inter-dimensional shopping mall was the highlight of the film for me.

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Talkie Gazette
Movie blogger, writer, Whovian, coffee addict, 'social' Introvert, web developer and vegetarian.