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The Media Fire’s top 5 worst movies of 2014

Divergent

Well. I didn’t expect to be doing this list. I usually don’t end up seeing to many movies a year that I would objectively consider bad. I mean there’s usually movies that I was planning to see that I hear were bad, but I usually just try and stay away from them. This year however in my (possibly fruitless) attempts to become a “more professional” critic, I saw a lot more movies in theaters this year. And now here we are. Now bear in mind that I still didn’t see every movie that came out this year, so this will probably be very different from your list. So hear we go, time to have some fun and burn some bad movies.

#5 – Divergent

Oh Divergent, what was the point? This book was written during the explosion of YA dystopian future novels following the success as the Hunger Games. Now while it’s easy to see the book as just another cash grab, well it kinda is, but it also was fairly interesting and explored some interesting themes. And yet somehow the movie comes out feeling even more like a cash grab then the book? Great. I never got around to reviewing this one because honestly it’s not too bad, the acting’s pretty good and it looks pretty and all that stuff. But it just comes off as really, really bland and pointless. Oh, and it doesn’t help that the total out of left field climax of this movie features one of the most awkward one liners ever to be delivered on camera. Seriously, this movie’s ending get’s so bad it’s kinda hilarious.

#4 – Transformers: Age of Extinction

“What? Media Fire? TF4 is only number 4 on your list? But this movie was overly long, bloated, dumb, awkward, cliched, and just stupid!” Yes I know nonexistent audience, but honestly this might be my favorite Transformers movie I’ve seen yet. (I’ve only seen 1 and 3, but I highly doubt I’d like 2 anyways) Yea, this might be my guilty pleasure of the year. Despite all the stupidness that this movie throws at you, there’s something in this movie that might suggest that they were at least trying to make a good movie this time around. And if I can with certainty say it isn’t good, I can’t with certainty say it wasn’t entertaining at least. (but seriously, mention football to me now, and I might just loose my crap laughing)

#3 – Maleficent

Maleficent

Gosh dang-it we have to have to talk about Maleficent again don’t we! How is it that in making something that should’ve added to the original source material by telling the villains side of the story, Disney went and made something that seems to be out to destroy everything the original had that made it good? It certainly has some good moments and ideas, but it’s bogged down by how much it screws up. And, why does this movie look so cheap? Seriously! The CGI’s ok, but it doesn’t look as good as something from Disney is expected to look. Disney is probably the most profitable movie studio in the world, it can afford better effects, right? Yea, in the end, Maleficent just feels cheap.

#2 – Exodus: Gods and Kings

Wow this was disappointing. Aside from just how frighteningly depressing this movie’s portrayal of God was (but that is a fairly personal complaint, so I won’t dwell on that), this movie had some of the worst pacing issue’s I’ve ever seen in a movie. Period. It’s possible that there’s a much better directors cut waiting to be released, but I don’t think it’d be worth it if I had to sit through this incredibly depressing film again. Ugh! Just so disappointed.

#1 – Rio 2

Rio 2

Why? Just… Why do we keep getting movies like this? Movies like this just make me sick. Movies that know that they don’t even have to try because, “Hey kids, it’s animated! We know that your parents are so desperate to shut you little whiners up that we don’t even have to try to make our movie entertaining or original to get people to see our movie! Heck, we might as well just recycle our main plot from every romantic comedy freaking ever! Ugh, but I guess that won’t fill the run time. Guess we might as well include all these barely thought out subplots to pad the runtime.” This movie just made me mad! And I mean really freaking pissed off mad. And heck, it’s like there aren’t good thing in here! The animation looks pretty good! I can tell that all these really talented actors are trying to elevate this movie! But if this movie is so obviously not even trying, why should they! So someone please tell me why these keep being made? Because kids are stupid. That’s why. As long as anything is animated or has a fart joke or just looks like it was made for kids, regardless of the quality, kids will want to see it. So, if there are any parents out there reading this, please, try thinking about what your taking your kids to see. Try and take them to movies that’ll actually make a difference in their lives, or maybe help them learn something. Or better yet, why don’t you sit down and talk with your kids for a change! Really get to know them! Get to know what kind of stuff they like to watch, or what books they like to read, or something! Just please, don’t let them see Rio 2! Ever!

Well that was fun. Coming next, the better list. And something interesting, I hope. What were your worst movies of 2014? Let me know in the comments below, and I’ll see you next time.

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The Media Fire
Non-professional critic.