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Confusing, overstuffed, and honestly way too fun for it’s own good

Jupiter Ascending movie review

Movie Rating:

Ok, let’s get one thing straight, Jupiter Ascending is kind of terrible in a lot of ways. The screenplay seems to have been seriously altered in the six months since it was supposed to be released, the plot moves at freight train speeds, the writing can be frankly cringe worthy at times, it’s overly stuffed with CGI, it’s probably more than a bit too long…… and honestly I kinda had more fun with this movie then I’ve had in a little while.

I mean it isn’t GoTG, Lego Movie, Pacific Rim levels of fun. But almost by about the movie’s first action scene I knew I really wasn’t ever going to be able to take this movie seriously and just decided to roll with it. I just completely turned off my brain and started laughing my butt off at all the ridiculous sci-fi glory that was happening on-screen.

Now when I say that the plot moves like a freight train, I mean that in every sense. It starts out pretty slow and sure of itself when it’s introducing our main characters. Jupiter’s family backstory, while certainly not very realistic, helps you get behind this character and feel for her. We get introduced to the character of Cain in a somewhat clunky, expository way, but it let’s you know he’s a guy you don’t wanna mess with. Then when the plot actually get’s going, we’re suddenly getting introduced to all these characters, factions, species, concepts, and substances that we’re barely able to process because it seems like this movie’s just steam-rolling to the next fight scene.

Now don’t get me wrong, when someone mentions improbable action sequences I’ll be the first to get in line, but it just seems like somewhere along the line this movie got more interested (or more likely the studio got more interested) in all the action sequences they had planned out more than the plot and lore. Which would be fine, except that the movie you’re watching wants to shove an MMO universe down your throat. But in spite of myself, I honestly wouldn’t mind spending a bit more time in this universe the movie has created. If there’s one thing The Wachowski’s know how to do, it’s meld high quality concepts and ideas with action movie’s, and this universe really does feel vast and epic despite the fact that we’re barely seeing most of it.

As I said earlier, I’m a sucker for improbable action sequences, and this movie is stuffed with them. They’re visually amazing, improbable as heck, and I really want a pair of Gravity Boots now. Sadly the movie’s biggest problem is probably it’s screenplay.

It’s completely entertaining throughout, but that’s mainly because it’s unintentionally hilarious most of the time. The romance between our main characters is somehow less believable than any of the settings or situations they’re put in. The main villain of this movie is so hilariously overacted that every time he was onscreen it was a desperate struggle to see who was going to laugh first, me or the movie.

The climax of the movie is, (spoilers) “Jupiter is kidnapped by a bad guy, almost signs her life away, and Cain has to come and save her before she makes a giant mistake.” I shouldn’t need to tell you how profoundly stupid and somewhat sexist that is, except that this happens TWICE! Seriously! The climax of the movie is a situation that literally happened 5 minuets ago!

The movie is also stuffed to the bursting point with CGI. The CGI’s not bad, I just wish that a little more practical effects would’ve been used to make it feel a bit more real. But hey, the set design’s pretty cool. And the score is pretty awesome. So that’s something!

Jupiter Ascending is by no means a great movie, maybe not even a good one, but it’s a dang fun one. If you’re someone who can occasionally just turn off your brain for a movie, I think you’ll like this. If not, you’re perfectly fine to rip on this movie all you want. As for me, I kinda feel like I needed this movie. I mean January has thoroughly depressed me, so even if this movie’s not very good, at least it’s watchable compared to all the other crap I didn’t see because it looked like crap (see Seventh Son)………

ou know, what happened to the Wachowski’s? I mean the first Matrix movie is still pretty good, I haven’t seen the sequels seeing as how I heard they only got worse and worse, Speed Racer is from what I can remember basically has all the appeal of this movie but a bit more stupid since it’s based off a cartoon, and everyone’s divided on Cloud Atlas (which I also haven’t seen yet). So…. what happened guys?

Movie Rating:

The Media Fire gives this movie 6/10

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Sam Wilson
Non-professional critic.